To be addicted to control is to be endlessly out of control

I woke up to this quote and it got me thinking.

I love to be in control of my actions and what goes on around me. It may not be as strong as an addiction, but I’ve often found myself going berserk simply because my day wasn’t going as planned, however slight the deviation. I can’t explain why it’s so important to me that things are done a certain way.

I cut my palm with a knife yesterday morning. It was a deep disgusting wound, I was bleeding heavily, but nothing was gonna stop me from finishing up the meal I had started preparing. My day had to go as planned, it had to be plan A and nothing else. After several minutes and several futile attempts to stop the bleeding, i decided to ‘borrow myself brain’ and go to a hospital to get the wound dressed.  The guy who attended to me instructed me to keep the palm away from water, and return in a few days for another dressing. It was like he just passed a jail sentence on me. What would happen to all the chores i had carefully planned out for the week? What would happen to my laundry? How would i cook?

The Bestie came to check on me after the incidence and offered to help out with laundry and finish up the cooking I had started. All I needed to do was sit back, relax and enjoy his kind gesture, but no, yours truly was upandan doling out instructions. I kept peeping over his shoulder to be sure he was doing things my way the right way, much to his annoyance of course.

I’m far from being a perfectionist, but i love having everything in place, and in a certain way. I’m learning daily though that things won’t always go “my way”. Some days all will go as planned, some days life will take a twist. Some days all will go as planned, some days a knife cut will truncate my plans and force me to explore other options .

My uncle tells a story of a married couple he used to live with. They are probably the most carefree people to walk this planet. Nothing was ever planned in their home. Chores weren’t a part of their vocabulary, the day’s events were usually left to happenstance. Nothing left them perturbed, their nonchalant approach to life was epic. On one occasion, my uncle went with the couple on a trip outside the country. On their return flight, there was some turbulence. It was nothing to worry about initially, but it grew worse with time, and after about 30 minutes all the passengers were thrown into full panic mode. All the passengers except this couple. The Mrs was fast asleep, and the Mr was happily munching away at his meal. My uncle was surprised at how calm the man was and turned to ask why he wasn’t scared. The Mr answered with a shrug, “Well, I don’t wanna die hungry” and went right back to his food. Don’t ask me if my uncle’s story is true. The validity of his stories have always been questionable. I think the couple took the word carefree to the extreme, but there’s something about their attitude that i admire. It will be refreshing to remain undisturbed when things are out of place.

I’m learning daily to adapt, keep a positive attitude and move on when life takes a twist. I’m learning daily that sometimes holding on too tightly to the reins will cause me to eventually lose the control i so desire. I’m learning daily that the only thing i can control all the time is my attitude.