Away from the daily depreciation of the Naira, Dasukigate and other pressing issues, it’s amazing how the Germans in my office pronounce my name better than most Nigerians. After one or two attempts, they get it and it sticks. I tell a fellow Nigerian my name and the usual response is; “Don’t you have an English name?”. No I don’t, I don’t even have a middle name. No, Joy isn’t my middle name, it’s the meaning of my name. No I don’t know why the name starts with 2 consecutive vowels, ask an Ian that also. No, it’s not pronounced the way it is spelled. No, I don’t know what Gavar means, I doubt that my dad does. Yes, it’s a Nigerian name.
I grew up in Benue thinking Iember was a common name till I got sent off to University in Zaria, Northern Nigeria. Then the ‘murder’ of my name began. I cringed whenever an attendance list was called out during classes. Anytime it got to the name before mine, my classmates would prepare for a bout of laughter. I got called everything from Lemba to Lambey. I can’t fathom why the ‘I’ was always replaced with an L. I got tired of correcting people, and made do with being called I.G. Maybe that would explain why I went from the noisy naughty person i was in secondary school to somewhat of a recluse in university. I hated social situations where I’d have to introduce myself. I hated the questions that followed whenever I said my name. My friend Tola told everyone who cared to listen that I was from Congo. Very silly girl, that Tola. 8 years later and I left Zaria with an MSc certificate that reads ‘Lember Cava’ instead of ‘Iember Gavar’. How this error came about is simply beyond me. Thank God for court affidavits.
Tiv names and their funny spellings though. My friend Zainab has this Tiv neighbor, Kwaghter pronounced Kwaa-tay, or something close to that. Zainab got home one day and met a note from her neighbor. She immediately called Kwaghter over the phone with so much urgency in her voice that Kwaghter started to panic.
No, it wasn’t the note that bothered my dear friend. I doubt that she even read the note. It was the spelling of Kwaghter’s name that was the issue. I’m surrounded by dramatic friends. I truly am.
Away from my dramatic friend, i wonder if my name really is so difficult to pronounce. I understand if you get it wrong when it’s written down, but if i say it out, by all means please make an effort to pronounce it instead of asking cynical fulani questions especially when you’re as much Nigerian as i am. We can’t all be Bose or Mary or Emmanuel or Ada or Halima.
Anyhoo, this is part rant and part shout out to my fellow Nigerians who like me may never find their names on a coke bottle with not-so-common names. We love our names all the same.
iember.gavar 
My name is iember as well and I get called Lember😂 but I really want to know… How is it pronounced? Is it like ember ??
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Lovely piece. My name is Iember also n m aving d same problem too. Changing d ‘I’ to ‘L’ sumtyms it piss me off n i’ll b lyk jst cal me joy if u can’t pronunce it. dats d meaning of it.
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I’m sitting here wondering why I thought I was the only one with this “problem”. It beats the heck outta me why I can pronounce just about any name and some Nigerian is “murdering” my name. A colleague calls me Mba, as in “no” in Igbo! I just can’t deal. I’ve had people call me “Imba”, “Iyambe”, “Ihembe”, “Iyemba”…I’m like Lord, give me patience. And, I’m with you, I don’t have or want an English name, either. Must we all? Puhleeze! Good going on the piece…pieces! Will be on the look out for more. May writers block be very far from you…lol.
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Thanks for reading! I’m glad you can relate. Amen to no writer’s block 😉
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Lovely piece! I can relate with you! I usually get ‘ehn’ even before I’m done pronouncing my name! I also don’t have an English name and no I don’t want one! I was pleasantly surprised when a British woman in Kd pronounced my name perfectly after the first introduction and here we have fellow Nigerians who won’t even try.
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I can relate with you! I usually get ‘ehn’ even before I’m done pronouncing my name! I also don’t have an English name and no I don’t want one! I was pleasantly surprised when a British woman in Kd pronounced my name perfectly after the first introduction and here we have fellow Nigerians who won’t even try.
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Lovely piece.
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Thanks, Umar!
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Is Halima that common or you remembered me? Suprisingly It’s not so common people go for exotic names like Iember nowadays.
Mama Warren
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Of course i remembered you… lol. Oh well, Halima is pronounced the way it’s spelt.
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Looolll!!! Was “Lember Cava” actually on your certificate???
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Yep! I just taya! I was gonna apply for it to be changed. While I was in senate building complaining to the guy in charge, one other dude beside me with a similar problem was like “my sister, I’ve been on this matter for 6 years” I just made a u turn and went to get a court affidavit. Can’t deal with anymore ABU wahala. You know every na…
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